Reflection.

As it gets closer and closer to Autumn's due date I feel like she's never going to get here. I know, I know- I should be thankful for the few good night rests I have left but I just want to have her here. I went to the doctors on Friday for a gel that should of helped soften my cervix. Turns out I was still only 1 cm dilated and it didn't really soften it too much. Now that is def. not the kind of news I wanted to hear today. Round two of the gel is this Friday (her due date) and if that doesn't work again than they are going to use something called a Foley Bulb. From what I've read from the research it's super uncomfortable and hurts, but it totally works to help you dilate. I go in for the Foley Bulb on Tuesday (my 21st birthday). Not the way I thought I'd be celebrating but well, that's okay.
I've been thinking a lot about everything lately and I wonder if Autumn isn't here because I need to organize things within myself more. I want to be a nuturing and loving mom but maybe issues from my past/fears that I have are stopping me from thinking I'm ready. I wanted her here for selfish reasons but reflecting on it more I realize I'm no where near ready. I'm not going to be the perfect mom because nobody is perfect-but I'm scared I won't be able to nuture my baby girl emotionally to help her become a wonderful woman. Don't get me wrong my mother was amazing, but I feel that she lacked some of that nuturing with me when I was a kid. I know everyone goes through a rough child hood but I think some of the things I experienced could have been avoided. Also, my lack of nuturing makes me develop a fear that I won't be able to nuture my own daughter in a BETTER way to make her a BETTER person. I just need to continue to remember these things so I can help her become a better person for the world. I don't know if this makes sense or if I'm just blabbing non-sense to you, but writing it out helps me to work it out within myself. Hopefully before we know it Autumn Madison LaBella will be born into this world! I'll be sure to keep you posted :D

Almost here!

So we are all moved in and Autumn's room is all ready for her! Things could not be better with Robby and I so far. I know as the date gets closer he becomes more nervous about being a father but I have such confidence in him. He has such a compassionate heart and the second he lays his eyes on her he's going to truly fall in love. Autumn's room got completely finished about 2 days ago. I've been working on it slowly but my nesting fever took over and I've been having to make everything perfect. On top of her room I've also turned my nesting fever on to the rest of the house haha Robby thinks I'm crazy but everything has to be PERFECT :) She could come anyday now and I am SO ready to meet my little girl. She is going to be so perfect. I thought this day would never come and now it is right around the corner. My dad is going to France for business the 12th-19th so let's hope she either comes before than or after he gets back. I've been going to the doctors weekly now, so tomorrow she will check me out again and see if I'm any closer to dropping!
We went and got maternity pictures taken a couple days ago. Robby was so amazing about the whole thing. We got some REALLY good shots and I can't wait to hang them up on our walls. This whole past year has held some completely unexpected surprises but I am so excited to see what the next years unfold for me. I have a wonderful boyfriend, daughter and family-I honestly couldn't ask for anything more!